I don't have low self-esteem issues, I'm not depressed, mad - absolutely, but I have started to really notice my size and lets face it, my meds are turning me into a fatty. I haven't always been a big girl, but I have never minded being one. I mind that I can't go up 4 flights of stairs without resuming the fat person leaning against the wall, gasping for air and water. Don't get me wrong, it makes me laugh, but I remember 5 years ago when I first started college and I could quite literally run up the stairs, not need water or have to gasp for air. I was kind of big... size 11-13 pants and let me tell you I was extremely happy. Now, I'm kicking it in size 18 jeans and I'm attempting to actually get away with the muffin top and it's so not cute.
My appearance is not beautiful. My thoughts are still that I just don't care what other people think about me but ... it's not really bothering other people now... it's bothering me. I keep talking about the past; how I used to be skinny, how I used to do gymnastics, I could climb a rope without knots in it with no problem at all, I played softball, football, danced minimally and I was always outside having a jolly time. I wrestled, I was in track and could run the mile - not quickly, but I could do it without having to stop and breath. Ever since my accident in track 9 years ago, I have been full of excuses... I can't do that, it hurts too bad; I can't do that anymore because my arm isn't strong enough anymore. You know what, I screwed the muscle up and yes, I know that I can't do SOME of the things like I used to be able to do... I can't do the lateral pull-downs, bench press, or unsupported bicep curls but I can do other things to strengthen my right arm. Even if I have to do curls for an hour while my elbow rests on a support, I will do it. But the think I was thinking of the most was how to incorporate my school work with my absolutely need to do some form of exercise. I'm going to be diagnosed with something incurable if I don't stop my habits now. I finally got myself to that point where I can manage time so what better time than now? That's right... there isn't a better time. It's all about the way I eat and getting the exercise I've long since been needing. If any of you have a workout plan that would work for a college student that lives in the dorm, comment away. I'm beyond desperate.
Here is what I have in mind for "Operation Blubber Clubber:" 1. Eat healthier and LESS portions but keep up with the water and drop soda like it's hot - I know getting something more nutrient rich, like gatorade, is important as well but mostly - water. 2. If I need to read a book for class, well... why not move while doing it? There is a free gym on campus and what better to do than walk (for now) on a treadmill or hop on the bike if I have to highlight. That alone would help - I'm a history major and I'm in 2 history classes, english, math and science. I have things to do all the time. In the mornings, I could do 5 standing crunches for every article of clothing I put on and when it comes time for me to have to take my meds, I won't eat a full meal. I'm going to buy some granola bars, but I'll have to hide them from my roommate because that girl ate ALL of them the last time I bought them... shhhhhheesh. I can't do the whole fiber diet because I'm in class and fiber can be dangerous if you can't go when you have to go - lol. I can try a diet pill of some sort but they all sound the same to me and I just don't know how a simple little pill can really help a girl in my situation. I am currently taking One-a-Day Women's Active Metabolism vitamin and it says Dietary Supplement so maybe I should just stick with that because I don't want to over dose on dietary supplements - lol... that would be bad.
My goal is to lose weight the right way and I am recruiting friends of mine to join with me. I mean, every college student could use the exercise. Especially my friends- no offense, we're some lazy people- lol. I want to graduate from college and be able to say that I lose weight. Be proud to look at myself in the mirror again and feel better about myself over all. If I get any bigger, I know I'll end up hitting a huge depression. I'm currently 232 lbs. Yes, I'm a woman and I not only told my pant size- which is probably more like size 20 than 18, lol, but I told my weight. This is embarrassing for me but I will do what I need to do in order to lose the weight.
I don't regret this choice I have made. I think if Operation Blubber Clubber actually starts to work, I'm going to buy myself my very first ipod so I can listen to my jams (wished I could just get Pandora radio) while working out.
Wish me luck... this girl is on a mission and I truly hope that the next time I blog I will have started the operation or even better, lost some weight. A step-by-step might even be in order. I'm going to start right now- salad... here I come!!! BLAM!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment