Life today

I don't know if anyone actually reads this blog, so, as an update on my personal life, I have been doing much better...well at least about the whole I'm hated and depressed situation.
Today, was not at all normal. My best friend woke me up this morning about 9am. I was really confused about the noises she was making. I got up and looked at her, and seen her shaking and breathing really weird. She, in fact, was having a seizure. I asked her if she was okay. She replied "I think so..." about 20 minutes later her breathing got much worse, and told me that she couldn't breath. I asked her if she wanted me to call the school nurse and she said "NO." About 10 minutes later, she was still complaining about her not breathing well, so I ignored her, and called the nurse. So, the nurse came to my room and watched her shake and breath weird for like 10 minutes, and then she told me to call another person that works in the student development office, and that woman called the ambulance. To make these next 20 minutes go by faster, the volunteer ambulance peoples came to my room, and took my friend to the hospital. I was so upset, it was so scary seeing my best friend on the gurney, shaking, and just not being the friend that I know. But, I also realized that the girl inside my friends body, wasn't actually my friend, it was one of her many personalities, Madison Reed. Madison Reed is a girl who is scared about almost everything, and I am the only one Miss Madison really trusts. I called my friends step mom and told her my thoughts and I also filled her in on the current situation.
They finally get the seizure to stop after 1 hour and 45 minutes, and 20 minutes later, she started another seizure. This seizure lasted 50 minutes. So, I've been upset, worried, concerned, and really sad...I honestly did not know what to do!
But, as far as I know, my friend is done seizing for the time being (hopefully it stays that way!!!)
Oh what a day it has been.
I have been so happy the last few days, I've been hanging out with my best friend, and the greatest people I have ever met-SAI...SAI is by far the best organization out there. My sisters have supported me in my decisions, my sad times, they've just been there so much for me. I am so glad that I have people like them to help me get through this long, horrible, sad day!!!

Where did the rain go?

This week has been the worse ever. You know the whole story where, when a girl and a guy get together and end up having an accidental thing happen, for example-getting drunk and that night you end up giving something up that you've planned on saving for the right time. Fine-you lose your virginity! Well this is the beginning of my extremely bad week.
My life was great before this happened. I had so many friends that I thought would always be on my side, I didn't and still don't have a boyfriend but I was okay with that. My friends (or so called...I haven't quite figured that out yet...) are members of a Greek organization, and ever since I got to know them really well, I've wanted to be apart of what they had. A true sisterhood and a bond that could never be broken. I thought that it would have been so amazing to call all of them "sister."
This last Friday this Greek organization decided to go out and have fun with the perspective members (future pledges). We went to a house and we were all having lots of fun. Well a few of us decided to stay at the house because we knew we were way to intoxicated to go back to the school (lol). Well this guy and I got very intimate with each other and I ended up losing my precious virginity to a guy I didn't exactly know all that well. The next morning I get up, get my friend and we go back to school. The guy called me and we decided that it would be a very good idea to get the morning after pill, just to be on the safe side-GOOD IDEA :)
The Greek's that took me to this house found out about everything I had done and let me tell you...it hasn't been easy these last few days.
I don't know about anything anymore. I'm pretty sure that I am not going to be apart of this sisterhood that I had intended on being apart of. I've lost so many of my friends, I walk around the campus and I get these horrible glares at me, I watch so many people talking about me, and this whole time I'm smiling and pretending that I have no idea about what's going on.
It is the worst feeling ever, when you know that you're all alone and you have no one to talk to. I honestly wish everyday that something would happen to me to make people feel sorry about the things they have said. I didn't want things to end up like this at all, but my luck is really bad and too make things that much harder, I only have one friend I can count on and she's not a serious person at all. I hate the spotlight being on me and I am honestly going through this all on my own...why? Because no one even cares about how I feel anymore. The guy is not having any problems at all-he just gets a nice slap in the ass, but not me, not the girl, I just get looked at like a slut!
I was told today that I was avoiding the Greek organization (the one I was talking about earlier) but I am only one person and there are about 8 of them. You'd think that one or two of them would come and talk to me or help me get through this hell, but nope-even that is my fault. I'm sorry about all of my complaints, I really should just move on, but I feel like I need to get this off of my chest.
I've never been a person who could handle stress, so hopefully this may help.

Thank you for reading my blog...if you actually do read it!
and If you are one of these people, then you can finally see what I'm really going through!

Love,
The girl who is not dancing in the rain!

I'll have to post a poem that I wrote two years ago so you can understand me!